Christmas wishes

Best Christmas Cracker Jokes 2018

“Why is Christmas just like your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”

There had been millions once who would have laughed their hearts out at the joke above but today’s kids may just fondly call it a PJ (an abbreviation for poor joke).

 The tradition of Christmas Jokes goes back a long way. With the invention of the Christmas Crackers in 1840s, Tom Smith added love quotes to his crackers. The love quotes were soon replaced by Jokes and riddles when Walter Smith took over. The tradition which started off with classic Victorian Jokes slowly changed over time and transformed into what it is today.  These jokes bear testimony to the cultural evolution and have a direct reflection of the human intelligence of the period. Here is a list of Christmas jokes and you can see for yourself how it has evolved…….

Q. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?

A. He was hooked on trees his whole life.

Q. What goes ‘Oh, Oh, Oh’?

A. Santa walking backwards

Q. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

A. Because he had very low elf esteem.

Q. Why are Christmas trees bad knitters?

A. They keep losing their needles

Q. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?

A. Hits a gnome and runs.

Q. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?

A. A barberqueue

Q. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

A. Saint-nickel-less.

Q. What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

A. A stick

Q. Why was the turkey in the pop group?

A. Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

Q. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A. A rebel without a Claus.

Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?

A. Ice caps

Q. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?

A. His wife was a total flake.

Q. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

A. He was picking his nose

Q. Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?

A. Because every single buck is dear to him!

Q. Got a Christmas card full of rice today

A. I think it was from my Uncle Ben.

Q. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa?

A. A Christmas quacker.

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. Because he wasn’t chicken!

Q. What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?

A. Crisp Pringles.

Q. Did Rudolph go to school?
A. No. He was Elf-taught!

Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?

A. They’re into all the wrapping.

Q. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A. Krisp Kringle!

Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

A. Nothing. It was on the house!

Q. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
A. They always drop their needles!

Q. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit?

A. Nurse them back to elf.

Q. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?

A. Anything you want. He can’t hear you!

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?

A. North Polish.

Q. What do you call a blind reindeer?

A. I have no eye deer.

Q. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

A. Rude-olph.

Q. How is Christmas exactly like your job?

A. You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

Q. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?

A. Wrap.

Q. What do you call a scary looking reindeer?

A. A cariboo.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

A. Frostbite.

Q. What’s the absolute best Christmas present?

A. A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

Q. What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke?

A. This one’s gonna sleigh you!

Q. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

A. Subordinate clauses.

Q. What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?

A. It’s finally Christmas, Eve!

Q. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

A. The Christmas alphabet has No-el.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Pudding who?
Pudding in your face!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Hanna who?
Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Harold who?
Hark the Harold Angels Sing!

While our great-granddaughters were getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve, Molly had a loose tooth that she wanted to pull.

Addison said, “Don’t you dare pull that tooth out tonight because the Tooth Fairy wants to be with her family.”
Molly waited until Christmas to pull her tooth.

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I don’t believe in myself

I think I’m Bi-polar

All the other reindeer laugh and call me names.

I’m trapped in a Dead-end job.

Funny Christmas Joke


christmas funny jokes

Ok Nice and easy now…
Gimme your nose and don’t do anything stupid.

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Dude, Check Out our new House!

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The force is strong with this one!

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When I think about you… I touch my elf

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Why are Dasher and Dancer always taking coffee breaks?

Because they are my star bucks.

Dog Christmas Joke


Did anyone water the tree?

I did
I did
I did
I did
I did

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